Years ago in a semi-detached bedroom in St. Reatham, as a young girl tries to sleep her dreams are kept at bay by raucous laughter, songs about chilling out, bunny girls, Russians, war and herself; hallucinatory jams where fingers turn into dwarfs, where a new type of music, ‘queavy’, is created and immediately ceases to exist; where delay trails are infinite; where dreams are carefully realised using metallic strings, whistles, drums, voices: the chimerical world of Alan vs. Michael.
At some point, in this maelstrom of warehouse careers, ‘get-ins’ and, equally arduous, but more inebriated, ‘get-outs’, spirit bars and golden flakes floating in backlit liquor, these fantasies were committed to disk. The Bunny Song arrived fully formed in the lucidity of a drunken stupor, while War Is Imminent (And Has Already Started) drifted out of news reports, declaring the commencement of the slaughter of hundreds of thousands of innocent Iraqis and communal viewings of the second series of I’m Alan Partridge.
A few months later (its impossible to say exactly when), in a darkened, candlelit room in south London, presided over by a hulk of a man, whose surname had been usurped by the name of a band he had once played in, and about whom all manner of apocryphal stories circulated, this comic folk-rock troupe performed for the first time. The room was somehow filling (mostly, it has to be said with friends, other performers, and straying locals), and the performance was raucously received by those applauding in the shadows, baying for more, and receiving, in return, a ridiculous rendition of We Are The Robots.
The break-up of all such ensembles is a cliché, invariably motivated by personal or musical differences, and Alan vs. Michael was no exception. Increasingly drunken performances, and increasingly manic songs could only temporarily conceal the malaise that lay at the heart of the troupe. A shambolic show at the now non-existent Telegraph, proved to be their last.
Original artwork no longer known to be in existence
Alan Vs. Michael: The Bunny Song
Alan Vs. Michael: War Is Imminent (And Has Already Started)
From Alan vs. Michael, Fragile Rock Records (Wrock 001)
Part 2: Interregnum
After months apart, during which time the many-headed hydra, aheM!, came into being, old friends, songs, were discarded and new ones took their place; wounds inevitably began to heal.
A return to that south London stage, overseen again by the guru with the pretender of a surname, was a less rapturous affair than the last; more considered, melancholic than before. As an old man, who seemed permanently trapped in a Lynchian suburban nightmare, twirled and pirouetted like the ghost of a young debutant trying nonchalantly to impress potential suitors, the band, newly christened Gertrude’s Storm (for no particular reason), played their plaintive tunes to a hushed room, telling stories of heartbreak, betrayal and sacrifice. Later that evening, the raucousness returned, as the band’s spiritual mentor, and future founding member, A.C. Cobra performed, with considerable verve, spontaneous versions of Toxic, and the first song he ever wrote. It may not have been apparent then, but the future lay somewhere between these two extremes: practiced musicality pitted against dramatic, impulsive outbursts.
Part 3: Gertrude’s Storm
Revelling once again in the old certainties, the old rapture, the band toured the bars, taverns and impossibly tiny basements of the ancient city, preaching to the converted and gently bemusing the uninitiated. The new sound was, at once, harder yet softer, louder yet quieter, better rehearsed while still allowing room for spontaneity and improvisation; their sets at this time never failing to end with a cacophony of furiously slashed guitars, frantically twiddled knobs and delicately pounded drums.
Randomwoman and Bitchhair at The Betsey Trotwood, 2004
Gertrude's Storm: Do As You Would Be Done By
Gertrude's Storm: Hell For Leather
From The Misplaced Trust E.P., aheM! Recordings, 2004 (aheM001)
Gradually, the sound of the band started to evolve, shedding its doleful, heartbroken skin, and adopting a more flamboyant, eccentric shell; ukuleles hung from necks with a shoelace; menacing synths were introduced; guitars were cranked, strings sliced by the dozen; vocal cords shredded. The band rapidly became a behemoth, always thirsty, always hungry, always demanding time, money, patience; and creating joy, madness, and ecstasy. Gertrude’s Storm became a way of life. Songs were often created on Saturday nights, communal experiences, inspired by ‘delay games’, with whoever was around contributing yelps or shrieks; neighing or bleating. Raw sounds would be lightly fried by producer, Bill Posters, before Bitchhair added fashionable bass lines, an integral part of any Gertrude’s Storm song, Falk added stylish guitar lines, and the inimitable Randomwoman introduced a touch of magic with her soulful, and occasionally demented, vocals.
Gertrude's Storm: No Way! I Won't Do It
Previously Unreleased
Gertrude’s Storm at the Purple Turtle, Camden, 2006
Falk and A.C. at the Bull and Gate, Kentish Town, 2005
Gigs were becoming more frequent, more raucous and more focused on entertaining, involving and, occasionally, insulting the audience, berating them with a megaphone if they failed to show the requisite levels of enthusiasm; if you came to see Gertrude’s Storm then you were damn well going to enjoy yourself.
Randomwoman at the Bull and Gate, 2005
A new sense of professionalism infected the band: their sound became tighter, the recording process became more arduous and perfectionist, and they started organising their own gigs. The first of the so called, ‘aheM! nights’, took place downstairs at the Royal George in December 2005, tucked away off Charing Cross Road, to promote the joint release of A.C. Cobra and Bill Posters’ debut releases on aheM!, and it was a joyous affair, with Bill Posters djing and A.C., ‘the Miles Davis of the mumble’, wowing all with his vocal dexterity and confusing befuddled drinkers who wandered downstairs to use the toilet.
The success of this night encouraged the band, now otherwise known as the aheM! collective, to book a night at The Amersham Arms in New Cross. This night proved to be a true one-off. Of the six acts who played that night, only the opening act, Organ Morgan, did not feature a member of Gertrude’s Storm; the tireless A.C. played in four of the five remaining acts, including the one and only performance of his very own punk band, GHSPB, screaming his way, to the immense enjoyment of the crowd, through classics such as Fish Head and Poisoned Pen. Gertrude’s Storm were also reconfigured into Bill Posters’ misanthropic, nihilist folk band, niGHt, before solo shows by both A.C. Cobra and Randomwoman, performing solo for the first time. The evening was rounded off by a thunderous performance by Gertrude’s Storm, bringing together all of these disparate musical interests in a unified whole. Far from the ‘get ‘em in, get ‘em out’ mentality of most live music promoters, the evening had a party atmosphere that the band would became keen to foster at future shows.
Part 4: What’s Weird?
For the next aheM! night at east London’s, now sadly defunct, Spitz on a sultry July evening, the line-up was stripped back; the demands of multi-tasking lessened though not removed entirely. Randomwoman and A.C. Cobra both played solo sets, as well as performing with Gertrude’s Storm, while Bill Posters and Bitchhair donned a rabbit and gorilla mask respectively to lend some sinister assistance to Randomwoman – during a rendition of I’m Not Shy, which must have seemed like stating the obvious when she started decapitating a doll onstage - and the whole band joined A.C. for an uproarious encore to his set. The night also saw the first performance of fellow sonic explorers Sharing Sheaths, whose debut E.P. was soon to be released on aheM! and who opened the night with aplomb, incorporating dancers into their set of doom-laden, post-apocalyptic, industrial pop.
The night also followed the release of the new Gertrude’s Storm E.P., entitled What’s Weird?, after a lyric from Jesus! Horses! – perhaps the most completely realised example of the band’s unique, experimental and innovative sound – which was itself lifted from a transsexual’s rant at a bus stop:
‘Weird? What’s weird? Weird that I don’t want to fuck you’
Somehow the transsexual’s outspoken defiance seemed to encapsulate the band’s own sense of difference, of defying expectations, and its innate rebelliousness.
Gertrude's Storm: Drinking My Brain
Gertrude's Storm: Recycling Old Crap
Gertrude's Storm: Jesus! Horses!
From What’s Weird?, aheM! Recordings 2006 (aheM004)
Everything was now in place; and the momentum was building. Intense rehearsals turned this once endearingly amateurish band into a much slicker, a much more focused ensemble, and audiences from 93 Feet East to the Windmill were responding accordingly. Even the DJs started taking notice and the band received nationwide airplay. Interest from record shops prompted the band to release a seven-inch single, and they had suddenly become inundated with gig offers.
The single was released on the 20th November, 2006, with all promotion and distribution being done by the band themselves. An unequivocal recommendation helped the single to fly out of Rough Trade, and the single received some decent reviews. Another aheM! night was organised – this time at the Pleasure Unit in Bethnal Green - to celebrate the launch. Sharing Sheaths were again on the bill, now armed with their debut E.P., and Gertrude’s Storm headlined. It was a memorable night and without doubt one of the band’s best shows.
Gertrude's Storm at The Pleasure Unit, 25th November 2006
Part 5: Endgame
As the new year approached the band decided to take a short break from gigging to continue work on the debut album. In common with all Gertrude’s Storm and Alan vs. Michael recordings, these were produced at home in the band’s own makeshift studio, with the drums being recorded at the rehearsal studio on snatched afternoons. The work progressed at a steady rate and by March most of the recordings were nearing completion. Songs like Badass and Driving Me Crazy, already staples of the live set and crowd favourites, marked a new stage in the development of the band’s recorded output; meticulously programmed and edited, yet retaining the urgency and soulfulness of their live incarnations.
Their return to the capital’s stages came on April 7th at Cargo, performing at a Soundcrash all-dayer. It was an impassioned performance; Randomwoman now led the band with charisma and confidence, and A.C.’s appearance and onstage antics were helping to raise the level of spectacle: his role as a sort of odd-job man having taken on talismanic qualities. But, in fact, the whole band were playing with gusto and, without doubt, had never sounded this good.
However, this was to be the last gig that the current formation of Gertrude’s Storm played together. It would seem that pressure applied had caused fissures and divisions within the band. Soon after the show at Cargo, and following a heated discussion at a rehearsal, drummer Parkstone, for reasons best known to himself, called the studio to announce his decision to quit the band without notice. For a band who had been together, in one form or another, even long before the dark days of Alan vs. Michael, it was a devastating blow, and one from which they never fully recovered.
Nonetheless, at this stage there was no talk of quitting; a full schedule of gigs had been arranged for the spring and summer, and though some had to be cancelled while a replacement drummer was sought, the band were determined to fulfill their commitments.
Previous experiences of auditioning drummers had proved to be depressing episodes and, initially, this time was no different. It immediately became apparent that Parkstone could not be easily replaced, so integral had his drumming been to the sound and development of the band. After two or three dispiriting encounters, an audition was arranged, through a mutual friend, with Silke Steidinger, and immediately everything felt right again. However, her own band, Kaputt, that she fronted were on a hiatus, so it was only a temporary replacement that would enable Gertrude’s Storm to fulfill their commitments that summer. She figured it all out with remarkable ease and by June was ready to make her debut performance as the band supported Hexstatic at Cargo.
Next up was the band’s first festival performance at the Secret Garden Party, headlining the AMP stage. The band’s performances were becoming more and more intense and outlandish, and the festival provided them with the perfect backdrop.
Gertrude’s Storm at the Secret Garden Party, July 2007
Gertrude’s Storm played their last gig at The Spitz, in August; but they didn’t know that at the time – they only knew that it was to be Silke’s last gig as Kaputt were, at last, ready to reform. Although there was, maybe, a vague sense of the band winding down, there had been no talk of quitting, of finally abandoning their illusions and surrendering their fantasies. But really, after that night, to all intents and purposes, the band ceased to operate.
Last gig at the Spitz, August 2007
Part 6: Epilogue
For over a year aheM! remained silent: in mourning, readjusting; until November 2008, when the creation of this blog marked its rebirth. While the hard drive that contained the Gertrude’s Storm ‘album’ gathered dust, remixes were completed and featured on Remixes For Pleasure, an aheM! compilation that was given away to celebrate the resurrection.
Finally, four years since the disintegration of Gertrude’s Storm, the hard drive has been dusted down, and the lost album is being readied for release. Does it really matter? I hear you ask. Does anyone really care? I hear you cry. Well, no, probably not, OK.
William Macbeth, London 2011
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